Friday, November 2, 2012

Brain dead, nearly the same spiritually

Samhain wasn't as much as I wanted it to be.  Just some candles, incense and a few words with the ancestors.  I'm battling some awful fatigue and not being able to sleep stuff.  It's not insomnia because I would sleep if I was allowed to but the dog goes through spells where he wants outside 10 times a night and if I don't let him out he wees on the curtain or misses the puppy pads.  Hard to believe a little dog like that can produce that much urine.  Especially at night.

Plus this is the season for robocalls and they are monstrous.  I get about 10 calls a morning, some of them within minutes of each other.  I can't turn the ringer off because sometimes Tom gets calls from work.  Plus I have parents with health issues and I can't not have the phone ring.  And of course all these calls are from the religious right who think if they bombard a person often enough and heavy enough, they will vote for their candidate.  Not in a million years would I vote for anyone on the right.

"Nuff politics.

I'm still working exclusively on magick and not deities although I've had many try to get their feet in the door.  Until I know my own mind, no one gets in. I considered a spell today while at the store because there were two groups of people having reunions next to the two items I needed to get today and no amount of coughing and excusing myself made a bit of difference.  I'm not like my husband who will simply edge them out of the way in order to get what he wanted.  But with a raging allergy headache and almost no sleep this past week, I didn't dare try anything involving energy.  But I might plan something for the next time.

I considered giving up this blog as I only have a couple of readers anymore.  I think my indecision has run everyone else off.  But the purpose of the blog was for me to expose myself in order to sort everything out in a more honest fashion so I'm staying around.  Warts and all.

But for now I'm going to try to rest this weekend and leave the bulk of the work to my men so I can get some rest and study going on.  Not to mention work on my granddaughter's baby blanket.  I've had to rip it back so many times I may never get it done.  I just need some focus and that won't happen without some rest and spiritual refreshing.



  1. Don't give up the blog! I don't comment as often as I used to- mostly because of time and some software issues that make it hard to deal with Blogger- but I still read!

    I've read the last few posts and wondered if this isn't still part of the discovery process. Learning what you resonate with, what you don't resonate with, and what drives you up the wall is a slow process. You wouldn't choose something as potentially permanent as, say, paint or furniture without checking lots of places, probably checking back with some places more than once, and then maybe finding something that's perfect. Or maybe deciding to go another route entirely. Spiritual relationships being so much more involved and complex, it's no surprise that you find yourself vacillating often. Maybe "pagan" alone is the word to stick with. It's big enough to encompass a lot of things.

    1. I really appreciate your comments, Lady. I will continue to blog mostly because I've invested so much already in it and I can't just give it up. But also because it's cathartic for me.

      I think you're right that the process is going to be slow but considering the difficulties I've had in the past with indecision, I think that will make the final decision more reliable and certainly more well-thought-out. I hope, anyway.

      I had some thoughts come to me last night while I was, again, not sleeping all night. I'll address them in my blog post but you are right that for now, Pagan is enough. It does encompass enough for me to feel settled in a direction but not closed off to the possibilities that are out there.

      Thanks so much for commenting. I love your insights.

  2. 1. I understand the feeling of giving up a blog. Hell, I've lost count of how many I've started and deleted. Ahhh, the joys of Bipolar. Write for yourself. That is what my new blog is about.

    2. You sweet pups with his pee pee issues. I have had 3 dogs that ended up in diapers. When it first started my vet gave me Proin. Perhaps you can talk to your vet about it? That is what Jerry takes and he doesn't have any more accidents. Brandy took it too.

    1. 1. For the most part, I do post just for me, but I try to keep my rantings to myself so I don't offend half the population out there. Or end up on someone's Christian prayer list for my blasphemous notions. LOL

      2. I suspect it's more a control issue than a potty problem. I know he can go for as long as 10 hours without peeing because he does it during the day. I think he's just interested in what's going on out there and peeing is his way of getting outside. Lately he's only been waking me up a couple of times a night and I don't always take him out. Especially if it's tit-freezing cold out there.