Figuring me out

No regrets.  No second thoughts or looking back as I normally do when I change directions.  I feel really good about this decision. Aside from feeling foolish that I have had such a hard time finding a path and sticking with it, I feel quite at peace.  And yet, I don't seem to be the only one having this difficulty; I've read many a blog by Pagans who have changed their paths repeatedly trying to find the right one.  I suppose that's the risk we take when we get to choose our own path instead of just being born into one or having someone pick it for us.

I couldn't figure out why I was unable to draw from various pantheons until I responded to The Opinionated Redhead in the comments of the last post.  I don't see all the gods as various aspects of the God and Goddess.  I see them all as their own beings, not part of a greater whole. I don't believe there is only one or even two aspects of one god.  I'm a hard polytheist and believe that, while there may be some gods who carried over from various civilizations, one pantheon isn't the same as another with only the names changed.

ETA:  And I absolutely believe that people can believe what they want about this and no one is more right than the other.

I'm grateful to the Redhead for helping me sort that out because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, that I couldn't split up a pantheon and just wing it like others do. I really appreciate the input I get from the people who comment here (aside from the wingnut who decided I was going to hell for not worshiping her god which I deleted) because it helps me gain confidence that I can make my own decisions.  And that I'm not wrong for doing things the way that's right for me.  It has probably been so hard for me to forge my own path because for half a century I was indoctrinated, with a threat of eternal torment, that that was wrong.

So...this feels really right and comfortable and while I'm not carving it in stone, it feels different from the other times in that I feel so very settled this time.  With no urgent need to study up on anything or learn anything before I can proceed further.  I just feel like I can move forward with what I know and learn at a leisurely pace the things I don't know yet.