Sunday, November 27, 2011

Stop me before I dream again

 I had a weird dream this morning.  I know it was morning because I had let Professor out for the fourth time and crawled back into bed determined to get some sleep.  It started out with Zach and me going to McDonald's for lunch on Super Bowl Sunday.  When we got there they had all the tables lined up as you would in a church basement fellowship dinner with a huge widescreen tv on the wall.  When I asked if they were open they said whatever was already cooked was all that was available.  Unfortunately there was nothing cooked.  So the scene shifted to St. Mark's, our old Episcopal church.  When we walked in the priest called my name in a surprised way and although I didn't do all the rituals like genuflecting and crossing myself, I was there for the Eucharist.  Not because I believed or anything, just because I missed it.  So the priest said we were waiting until things were set up so Zach and I went into the narthex (foyer) and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  I peeked in to discover they had removed a bunch of pews and had set up long tables with McDonald's food on it and a plate with the communion wafers and a pitcher of wine.  I was really pissed off.

Then I woke up.

I'm not sure what to make of the dream.  I occasionally dream of things from my past, more in a nostalgic way rather than a feeling of missing something.  Like the Navy.  I used to have Navy dreams all the time and let me tell you I don't miss that at all.  It occurs to me that there was no sense of feeling like I was being called back to St. Mark's.  If anything, the whole scenario put me off of the church.  (Although I will say that in real life, the parishioners would never in a million years have treated the Eucharist that way.)  Not that I really needed reinforcement of that feeling.

I had read my Tarot and Animal Oracle cards a few days ago and got one of the clearest readings I've ever gotten from them, that I am really on a good path right now.  I guess my Tarot cards are speaking to me, finally.  This is the same brand of Tarot that I ceremonially threw away back in my fundie days, when I entered that dark cavern of religious superiority by burning or throwing away anything that had any semblance of Pagan origin.  I guess I should have gotten rid of the Christmas tree, too, huh?

The Greeks and I are growing more and more comfortable with each other, setting up housekeeping and rituals together.  They were my first love, after all.  I'm trying to get the house cleaned as I find my spiritual direction more clearly defined if I am in the midst of order.  Chaos is not my friend.  Now that I'm feeling better and my back isn't hurting much at all, I'm making some progress and with each room finished I feel lighter and more at peace.

I watched a documentary about the Decorah eagles who I had watched all last spring.  This was about the death of the first mate and the subsequent first clutch of eggs together.  She was a crap mother initially which made me feel a bit better about my own initial attempts at motherhood.  I am so drawn to eagles.  As much as I am to crows.  It's so odd how I never paid any attention to birds at all until I moved here and now they just won't leave me alone.  Hawks, eagles, crows...I feel such a connection with them now.



  1. Yeah, that was a strange dream, as dreams go! Have you been craving a Big Mac, LOL?

  2. LOL! We ate at McDonald's this weekend and it was less than satisfying. Maybe that was what the dream was about.

  3. I think that dream is connected with letting go of the church like I mentioned in my last comment.

    As for the "Christmas Tree". Did you know that many Pentacostals don't celebrate Christmas because it's too Pagan. I put my tree up and hang my ornaments remembering each and every place I was when I got it (all of my ornaments were either gifts or have been bought by me while on vacation) and I get teary over the sweet ornaments littleman has made for me over the years. For me, Christmas is about the magic of the elves and Yule is the inward darkness. Yin and Yang really.

  4. Wow, Dark Mother! That's close to what Tom said when I told him about my dream. He said that apparently I think about the church in the same way I think about McDonald's. Not my favorite place to be.

    I've known of some Pentacostals that didn't but my old fundie Pentacostal church did the whole Christmas tree thing. In fact, I lost my faith writing their Walk thru Bethlehem play after discovering there was no way the timeline could play out the way it was written.

    But yeah...the bible does have a passage of scripture about not decorating trees. LOL! We are going to try to make it about Yule this year instead of Christmas. I no longer have any religious ornaments or decorations and Tom seems to be fine with that.