Unfolding

I can't say that I've worked much on the social anxiety thing because I've been pretty busy with the pain and fatigue that always comes with changing seasons.  Damned fibromyalgia.  But it's an issue that is on my mind and I will work on it.  Last week I didn't have my usual companion because Zach didn't want to go anywhere so I had to go by myself.  I did stick to my safe places, though.  But at least I went out alone.

Lately I've been just dealing with the debilitating fatigue that is much worse for me than the pain.  Except in the middle of the night when I can't sleep because of it.  Which leads, of course, to the fatigue.  But today Zach and I were talking about awareness and it occurred to me that I am just sleepwalking through life.  I don't pay attention to Nature or people around me.  I'm just barely making it through the day.  I'd really like to be more in tune with Nature...spending time observing Her in all Her glory, paying attention to the lessons She has for me.  I'd settle for just making it through the day, though.

One area in which I am succeeding is letting the Path unfold before me.  It's taking odd turns now and then and instead of fighting the wheel, I'm letting the vehicle take the turns on its own.  More and more I find the Greeks calling me.  I got some books from the library on Celtic mythology but they sat on my table unopened until it was time to take them back.  I did, however, read my Greek mythology books and historical fiction.  Actually it was Roman historical fiction.  I've discovered that historical fiction about the Celts or Druids doesn't interest me at all, but I haven't found a book on the Greeks or Romans that I can walk away from. 

What I have had to do, though, is avoid anything to do with Greek Reconstruction, as that totally spoils it for me.  It becomes an entirely different religion or spiritual path if the rules are set in stone.  Or if I have to follow a rigid path because that's the way the ancients did it.  I'm inclined to think the gods didn't stagnate so we shouldn't either.  Any form of reconstructionism just reminds me too much of the life I left behind.  And I'm trying very hard to avoid anything that smacks of "my way or the highway" theology.  Had that, thankyouverymuch, and never want to have it again.

For now, I'm still not committing to anything, letting the carpet unfold beneath me (red, of course) and enjoying the journey.  If I end up with a mish-mash of Celtic-Greek spirituality, it's all good.  Or if I end up one or the other, I will have had a journey of discovery and enlightenment.  It's still all good.