Healing

The last couple of weeks have been a healing time for me physically. Fortunately the pain levels are back down to what they were before but the healing involves a lot of sleep, which means I'm not getting a lot done. I like to think the gods are very patient with me. I've had some dreams about esoteric things, most of which is just a whisper in my sleep. But soothing nonetheless. The gods have certainly been good to us the past few weeks by settling a lot of stressful things that we had no idea could be settled so quickly. Our washer died along with the car nearly following suit, lasting long enough to buy another one before it died as well.

I don't pray for "things" like I did as a christian. My relationship with the gods deals more with asking for the ability to handle things rather than things themselves. Not that it's right or wrong; it's just the difference in me as a pagan. As I heal I feel more motivated to see some progress in my spiritual practices as well. I'm also feeling more open in my search for the right path. 

In ancient times the lives of the people were affected by strangers who passed through or settled down in communities, bringing new gods into the picture or new understandings. For example, the Norse gods eventually became the Anglo Saxon gods. I don't see my path as narrow as I used to. Maybe I'm finally getting rid of my all-or-nothing perspective.

I'm feeling freer with a lighter weight on my shoulders. I don't feel like I have to choose between the Norse/Anglo Saxon gods and the Celtic gods. It opens up a bigger world as well.

Hopefully I can now stay awake long enough to get some studying now.

Looking forward to a less stressful time for a change..

Pondering

I've been doing a lot of reading, mostly in Scott Cunningham's and Christopher Penczak's books with all kinds of thinking about both. Scott's book is familiar while Chris's is brand new to me. As with any new direction I take, I find my path not as black and white as when I started. I knew Wicca would not be the end result. Instead it seems to be the template although not the foundation. I am a hard polytheist so the dual nature, the god and goddess, are definitely not the path I can comfortably take. To me the gods are the gods with their own mythologies and cultures. So as a religion Wicca just doesn't work for me. But the study of magic and the rituals that come from Wicca, the practices, are a starting point.

The Celtic world feels like home, the place I keep coming back to. My ancestors were Celtic although that isn't a pre-requisite to walking this path. It's just a connection. But one that has deep roots. My biggest problem is that I have to stop viewing the world, and all my decisions, as black and white, all or nothing. Which comes from being taught those concepts all my life. It's hard to change after all this time.

It's time to broaden my scope though. Bring my Celtic books back out and start allowing myself to veer from the straight and narrow from time to time. Let intuition have a bigger place in my life. And listen. Listen to myself, to the gods and goddesses and those in my life who have more life experience.

The biggest thing I have to learn right now is to give up the power I let others have over me. Learn to ignore those who I fear are laughing at me because of the choices I have made. I have heard the laughter and ridicule. And I have heard about the laughter and ridicule. I would rather not have any friends than have those people in my life. But I am blessed by the gods because I do have many true friends who love me for who I am, who laugh with me and not at me. Okay, sometimes they laugh at me, too, but in a kind, funny way.

And so the lessons continue, both in life and in my spirituality. Soon the practical will begin in both arenas. I try not to be impatient but I am anxious to begin the actual practical lessons. And learn to work around my limitations. And get over the self-pity.

Until next time.

Back to the Beginning

I started out with Wicca and Brighid, Danu and Cernunnos, along with the rest of the Celtic Pantheon. I'm back there again although my version of Wicca is that of a solitary practitioner as Scott Cunningham writes it. With my son practicing witchcraft alongside me. Although we are both open to other authors as well. It took me long enough to figure out why paganism alone wasn't working for me: lack of hands-on practices, rituals and focus. What I had been trying to do for the past several years might have worked out well for others but it wasn't working out for me.

I have a lot of learning to do but at last I have the focus to do that. And it's not as complicated as I thought it was. I have several books already available to me: several Scott Cunningham books, Mrs. B's book about household magic and a couple of books by Bree NicGarran. I also belong to an online group with an amazing administrator/witch from whom I have already learned a lot.

I have my Celtic Oracle deck for divination that I already have a connection with but my Rider/Waite tarot deck and I don't click at all. I am considering Anglo-Saxon runes since I already have Alaric Albertson's book on Wyrdworking.

Having physical limitations has made me feel like my choices with witchcraft were few to non-existent but after talking with my friend/mentor, I like how accommodating Wicca/witchcraft really is. I'm not sure what I will end up with will be but it will be pretty close to Wicca. I am drawn to BTW as well. I'm not sure what the difference really is.

I'm not sure how often I will be able to post. Typing with one finger is time consuming but I do hope to make a better effort this time.

Until then...