My Samhain altar

Ignore the time stamp.  It's way off and I can't figure out how to get rid of it.

We had a really nice Samhain ritual, the best I've ever experienced, to be honest.  There was a lot of energy present and Zach and I both ended up with a clear sense of direction.  For once.  And we're still on track, on the path we committed to.  I must say that the commitment has helped keep us where we are.  I never knew that the simple act of committing was so significant to keeping one on target.

I've done some studying lately but still not much compared to what I used to do.  I'm still very much focused on the practical aspects of paganism, rather than the esoteric.  Not that I'm not interested, but for now, I need that stabilizing aspect of practicality to keep me focused for now.

We had a light dusting of snow this morning.  It's pretty but I really wasn't ready for snow yet.  We spent the afternoon raking the leaves and putting things away in the garage.  I had Zach refill the bird feeders yesterday, knowing the snow was predicted for today.  I'll toss out some corn for the squirrels and chipmunks tomorrow.  I finally turned the heat on last week for a couple of days.  Didn't need it yesterday.  The new front door has helped so much in keeping the house warmer and since we don't keep it terribly warm in here, we keep our expenses down a bit.  I still must find a way to cut back at least $300 more out of the budget, thanks to a pay cut last spring when they moved Tom to a machine instead of being foreman.  We had overtime for a while but that's gone for now.  Maybe forever.  And no pay raise this year or bonus either.

My older son is in a really dark place right now and I'm not sure what I can do to help him.  I gave him some hard truths last night and he hung up on me but feeding the darkness wasn't the right thing to do.  I worry about him.  I'm not sure how I feel about doing magic without the permission of the recipient.  On one hand it feels like taking away their free will but on the other hand, he has been swallowed up by this darkness and refuses to see that he needs help.  At the least I will light a candle and ask the gods to watch out for him.  For now I think that will have to be enough.

I love that it's getting darker sooner.  I must be connected to the night in some way because I have more energy in the winter and do much better at night than I do in the morning.  Might be why I prefer the moon to the sun.  But there is an aspect of the morning that does appeal to me as well.  The waking up of Nature, the rising sun.

Well, time to start supper.  I'm still fixing two meals because I'm still vegetarian.  I'm losing weight for now, but I only seem to be losing a couple of pounds a month in spite of eating only about 1200 calories a day and exercising 30 minutes.  It's frustrating.

The Practice of Being Pagan

I do mean to write more often but I'm not online as much anymore.  Except for today.  I think I have one day a week like this.

I'm still doing well on my path, probably because I'm focusing so much more on what I do instead of why I do it.  I'm not studying about the gods much or learning magic so much as I am just trying to do better each day.  Being greener, more responsible with the finances and putting crafts above the internet.  I feel more connected to the gods now by just living this path instead of studying it.  I do read once in a while, and I still have ritual every morning and evening, but I'm much busier being a Pagan by actually practicing it.  This really feels right.

I definitely feel a strong connection with Cernnunos and am so glad I got that statue.  I hope to get a statue for one of the goddesses around December.  It really helps me focus during prayer and ritual.  And I like to look over at the statue at night while knitting or reading.  And Brighid has become a part of my spiritual life as well.  I had so many problems with the Christianizing of her that I couldn't see her as pagan anymore but now, as I focus more on housework, crafting and things of that nature, she has become pretty important to me.  Cerridwen and Danu, as well.  The Dagda, Manannan mac Lir and Lugh have become part of my life, too.

I'm not reading the myths for now.  But I am learning that the myths aren't necessarily bad even though I feel like I have to sift out all the Christian interference.  Maybe later I'll read them, but for now, I'm just content with the magic and the practice of being pagan.  It works for me.