Thursday, September 5, 2013

Language alert: it was a crappy day

It was altogether a crappy day, but then the cards let me know that before I left the house this morning.  Not that I could have stayed home and avoided it all.

First thing, as I was creeping out of the driveway, I knocked over the neighbor's trash can because the sanitation engineers had left it out in the road instead of putting it on the curb.  Great!  I was running late for my doctor's appointment so I had to deal with it when I got home.  Fretted about it the whole time, though, raising my blood pressure.  Gah!

Then didn't have a very good conversation with my doctor at all.  Normally we can communicate but since I've been under the care of a cardiologist, she's been hard to talk to.  She kept complaining about me still being on lasix, which I understand is going to be a standard medication for me because I have congestive heart failure for fuck's sake.  Then she got the prescription wrong when I went to pick it up.  The conversation was so confusing and instead of double checking it, or letting me call her when I got home, she ended up cutting my dosage in half.  I'll be calling the cardiologist to get it straightened out, you can be sure.

Then, the part that pissed me off so much that I was in tears when I got home...she had told me months ago that she would manage my pain meds since my rheumatologist retired but when I asked for a refill today she refused, saying she wasn't "comfortable" managing my pain since she wasn't trained in chronic pain.  Just what the hell did she learn in her internship then?  So she told me to find a rheumatologist and have them prescribe my pain meds.  Thing is, even if I could find one, it would be months before I could get an appointment and I will be out of tramadol by the end of the month. 

As it turned out there are only 3 rheumatologists within an hour of here and none of them are in my network.  So I called back and talked to the appointment lady and she left a message for the dr.  I got my refill although she's not happy about it.  Seriously I was in a panic because I remember the 10 fucking years I went without any pain meds because the fucking doctors told me it was all in my head.  I've never once abused my meds and have never even taken all I'm prescribed per month.  But people with chronic pain need to know they don't have to hoard their pills so the drs generally give them a bit more than they need.  Hey...sometimes you do need those extra pills.

So the cards didn't lie at all.  It was a miserable day.  But still I learned some things.  One thing being that the cards won't talk to me when I'm wearing my hammer.  And that my path is absolutely not one that is an established one.  Zach did 3 readings for me and there was no doubt whatsoever that my path is eclectic. This morning was pretty much the same, aside from the Devil showing up to let me know my day was totally fucked. 

Learning about the Norse/Anglo Saxon gods has really confirmed that for me, too.  There are gods there I am fond of but I don't love the myths and I don't love the system.  Same with the other pantheons.  I know I keep saying this but I also keep trying to find something for myself that isn't mine to have, I guess.  Maybe this time I'll figure it out.

I think Zach has my back this time.  We're on the same page for the first time so I think working together will help.

Tonight, though, I plan on going to bed as soon as the clothes are done in the dryer.  I'm so tired and the stress of the day has wiped me out.  My head is throbbing and I've got to get up for cardiac rehab tomorrow.  But I'm definitely going to look at warding myself and my space as soon as I'm get back.

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