Getting there

It still feels a bit surreal to no longer belong to the community of Christians. Although my feelings for Jesus have softened up a bit. Initially I was angry with him for making me fall in love with him and not turn out to be who I thought he was. But now I'm inclined to think that maybe he wasn't the one who fooled me.

I'm trying to clean my house and get rid of all the clutter. I think I need to rid myself of the physical clutter before I can get rid of the spiritual clutter. It's always been amazing to me how a clean house can energize me. Of course, it's not exactly clean but I did manage to throw out one black garbage bag full of trash and another one full of stuff for the thrift store.

I could do better by going through all the drawers as well, but let's try baby steps first.

I haven't really done any reading lately about matters of spirituality but I did bookmark a druid site that has lots of good things there and I plan on tackling that later this week. I also found a site that deals with magickal herbs. Eventually I'd like to actually own a book on the subject instead of just notes from the internet. I don't actually have a Book of Shadows yet. I'm still winging it.

I've chosen not to go the way of Wicca. It just doesn't feel right for me. Maybe I'm just a bit of a rebel after all those years of conformity but I would rather find my path as I walk it rather than have a road map. I look forward to just finding my way.

It's a short entry today because I'm dead tired and might get to sleep early for once. Soon I hope to catch up on some sleep so I can have my mind back. I'd love to be able to think again...or even meditate. That would take a lot of concentration for me since I can't keep my mind from wandering to Alpha Centauri and back while I'm writing up a grocery list.

And hopefully I'll learn how to redirect my energy so it's not inward all the time (self-pity, anger, despair) and maybe turn it into something productive.

It's my goal, anyway.