I'm feeling a bit better thanks to lots of sleep and finding my way out of this last deep pit of depression. It's always there but not usually this bad. I can function quite well most of the time but there are those times when I can barely make it through the day. I can't take anti-depressants and can't afford therapy. Not that therapy is necessarily the best way to resolve this. I was in therapy before but we mostly talked about shopping and stuff so I ended it. I suppose a good therapist makes the difference but after dealing with Zach's history of crappy therapists, I'm not inclined to go that route again.
I've wondered how people who suffer from depression are supposed to tackle magick during those times since negativity affects the spells. I just stayed away from anything magickal when I was in my pit. Unfortunately I also stayed away from everything, including my knitting and crafting. If I would just ride it out, it would end quicker but I always tend to fight it, thinking I can do something to fix myself.
But as the air is lighter now and my mood is better, and I'm sleeping very well, I'm ready to tackle things again. I ordered some books before my mood went south and they should be here in a few days to a week. They are about Anglo Saxon paganism, which is where I seem to be heading. I'll probably mix druidry into the recipe since that's how I seem to be cooking right now, but we'll see how it all goes.
I've been working on frugality a lot lately, in part due to our circumstances but also because I like myself better when I make that effort. Plus I feel a lot of Frigg in my efforts. We don't have a cozy relationship right now but I can relate to her and I suspect the lack of warmth in my relationships with the gods has more to do with my issues regarding commitment than their willingness to form one.
And now that my brain is clearing out I should be able to focus on reading again in addition to all the efforts I take regarding living more frugally and working on my crafts again. These things seem to make up who I am and when I'm unable to do them, I feel empty. It probably would have taken me weeks to get to that place in therapy. And with this blog I made it in minutes.
So...now I'm off to fix supper and then crawl into bed and read a bit and then work on knitting socks for Zach.
BB
I've wondered how people who suffer from depression are supposed to tackle magick during those times since negativity affects the spells. I just stayed away from anything magickal when I was in my pit. Unfortunately I also stayed away from everything, including my knitting and crafting. If I would just ride it out, it would end quicker but I always tend to fight it, thinking I can do something to fix myself.
But as the air is lighter now and my mood is better, and I'm sleeping very well, I'm ready to tackle things again. I ordered some books before my mood went south and they should be here in a few days to a week. They are about Anglo Saxon paganism, which is where I seem to be heading. I'll probably mix druidry into the recipe since that's how I seem to be cooking right now, but we'll see how it all goes.
I've been working on frugality a lot lately, in part due to our circumstances but also because I like myself better when I make that effort. Plus I feel a lot of Frigg in my efforts. We don't have a cozy relationship right now but I can relate to her and I suspect the lack of warmth in my relationships with the gods has more to do with my issues regarding commitment than their willingness to form one.
And now that my brain is clearing out I should be able to focus on reading again in addition to all the efforts I take regarding living more frugally and working on my crafts again. These things seem to make up who I am and when I'm unable to do them, I feel empty. It probably would have taken me weeks to get to that place in therapy. And with this blog I made it in minutes.
So...now I'm off to fix supper and then crawl into bed and read a bit and then work on knitting socks for Zach.
BB
Sometimes it's better to go with the flow, sometimes it's worth it to fight. I spend most of the lighter half of the year feeling not-quite-myself, but that might be due primarily to my energetic alignments. The simple truth is that some days are just awful and the only way to deal is to curl up in a ball and sulk. Other days are just awful, but for some reason the way to deal with them is to get up and clean the house. If I understood what made up the difference, I'd make a fortune off it.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. I've struggled for so many years it's amazing I can't just let it go when it happens, but I feel like it's giving in...something that was ingrained in me not to do all my life. You don't give in to pain, sadness, depression, illness or anything. You fight it. Our society rewards the person who goes to work sick, who battles against pain with more pain, who fights the hardest at not allowing the body to tell them what to do. We don't listen to our bodies, we abuse them.
DeleteDon't I know it. I'm at work still not fully recovered from the cough and cold that were going around. Why? Because if I take time off I don't get paid as much. What I really need is to take another day or two and be certain of recovery. But I fight. Because, as you said, society rewards us for abusing our bodies.
DeleteWhich is another reason why most companies don't offer sick days. They know people will come in because they have to.
Delete:::waving::: Guess who ; ) The crazy BiPolar bitch.
ReplyDeleteDepression is a friend of mine. Because I am BiPolar I have figured out that it is a part of me that will be here for the long haul therefore, I have made a relationship with it. Magic comes to me, not me to it. This is definitely true during times of depression. Something as simple as changing my altar and lighting a candle for myself is magic....whether I'm depressed or not. The God and The Goddess are all encompassing so I feel that they are with me and know what I am doing and what my heart means. I'm glad you are feeling better.
That's good to know, DG. I'll try to look at it from that perspective. Also, you crazy BiPolar bitch...it's good to see you again!!!!
Delete