Kathy's inferno

I'm feeling grumpy and not particularly spiritual today.  We're having temperatures in the 90s F and I'm just not prepared for it.  Both pets are miserable: Hannibal was hiding under my bed all day and Professor was panting until I thought he was going to explode.  And the air conditioner wouldn't work.

The weekend was busy and productive for Tom but not me as I didn't get a lot of sleep so the cleaning up from the weekend hasn't happened.  No sleep plus too much heat makes me totally useless.

He did enjoy the fairy garden area I have started setting up.  I saw him outside last night and popped out for just a few minutes to find him watching a hawk soar over the neighbor-up-the-hill-across-the-highway's house.  And he was particularly entranced by a star until I pointed out it was Venus.  Then he seemed to lose interest.

It's definitely too hot to light candles today but I still spent some time sprawled across the bed between two fans blowing while trying to meditate on the triple Goddess picture above the altar.  Sadly I don't meditate well when I'm overheated.

Tonight I hope to get some cleaning done if it cools off enough.  When my world is in chaos, my spiritual life is in chaos.  And the whole house right now is a wreck so I'm unfocused and drifting with doubts and uncertainties.  I suppose that's to be expected anyway considering I lived nearly my whole life completely confident that I knew the truth.  Only to find out I didn't.

In some ways, though, the uncertainties feel pretty good.  Not having all the answers seems safer right now because it leaves me some space to find the truth I need to find.  Not holding hard and fast to anything feels freer.  I'm not bound to or by anything or anyone.

Oh not too lucid today unfortunately.  Normally I do okay with the heat but this is too soon in the year and we're too fresh from having had to use the furnace.  I need more time to adapt.

Back to the bed because it's the coolest place in the house right now.