She's back and she brought her luggage

Ritual last night was interesting on many levels.  For one thing, when I lit the candles and incense and invoked the gods, I discovered Artemis sitting sideways on her deer, acting as if nothing had happened.  But she did let me know that the deer was hers and Pan could find another representation.  Okay, not literally sitting on her deer, but that image was strong in my mind.  So I prayed specifically to her and felt a connection we hadn't shared before.  I have no idea why the flounce earlier but she is back and brought her luggage so I assume she's here to stay.

I don't feel right invoking Artemis without praying also to Apollo, and since I was going to be practicing divination, I offered up prayer to him prior to opening my tarot deck.  The deck was behaving very strangely in my hands.  Normally I don't have any trouble shuffling them in spite of their size (Rider-Waite) but the deck kept exploding in my hands, cards flying everywhere.  Finally I put them away for a bit, focused on the candles and incense, and just concentrated on both Apollo and the cards themselves.  Finally I was able to set out the three cards.  My spread is just 3, representing past, present and future.  The past card was the Knight of Swords, which I felt was talking about me conquering the indecision about which gods and which path.  It really had been weighing on me even if I didn't articulate it.

The second card, the one of the present, was the Ace of Cups, which really did feel right because of the satisfaction and peace I have felt ever since accepting the dual path I'm taking.  Future was the Knight of Pentacles, which I intuited to mean that I would be required to demonstrate responsibility on this path, focusing on spirituality, frugality and nature, things I have been neglecting of late.

This was actually my second spread.  The first one was completely dark and felt wrong for some reason.  Which is why I put the cards down and focused on hearing what Apollo or the gods had to tell me.  Also, when I've been away from my cards for a while, they tend to throw tantrums when I pick them up again. So after the second spread, which felt right but also felt a bit incomplete.  Then I found several tarot cards had fallen off my tray and were in the bed covers.  So I'm not sure if the reading was accurate or not.  I won't try again for a few days since I never get very good readings if I do them too soon after a reading.

I got out my Druid Animal Oracle cards, which really did seem to be right on. The first card represents the guiding idea, cause, impulse or motive behind a situation or event. The first card was the Eagle.  According to the cards, the Eagle helps with decisions and allows me to detach from my worries and keep my focus on the spiritual.  I'm to look to the Eagle whenever I feel stress encroaching on my spiritual life.  On the Greek level, the Eagle represents Zeus, who I also kept running into last night.  As Zeus is the king of the gods, this seems to confirm that my path lies with the Greeks.

The second card represents its effect on the emotional, social or relationship level.  The second card was the Bull, which represents the Druid version of Jupiter (Zeus).  The Bull helps guide me in matters of money and focus on financial responsibilities, which corresponds with the tarot card I pulled.

The third card represents its effect on the physical level of manifestation--in the body or in the concrete, tangible world.  The Stag (Artemis?) brings strength when I am vulnerable.  Asking for protection from the Stag will bring calmness, strength, dignity and represents beginnings.  Perhaps the beginning of merging my Greek and Druid paths?

I'm not sure I'm reading these cards right but I'm trying.  I've put the animal oracle cards on my altar to ponder and meditate on during evening ritual.  Perhaps more intuition will come to me then.

But I couldn't sleep worth beans last night and it didn't occur to me until just now that I hadn't focused on releasing the energy I used reading the cards.  This happens to me every time I do that.  No sleep at all.  As I said, I'm very new at this.  I used to read them many years ago but I lost my confidence and intuition.  Plus since I burned the cards because I was told they were evil, I suspect the tarot is holding me at arm's length until I have developed a better relationship with them.

Consistency is the key.  In all of my spiritual choices, actually.  But I'm getting there.  I may stumble and get it wrong occasionally, but each time I do that I walk more confidently on my path.

BB

They're here to stay after all...minus one

Another gorgeous, unseasonal day today with sunshine and temps at around 52F.  But a winter storm watch goes into effect around midnight so the next few days will be spent at home, cozied up on my bed with a blanket on, reading and knitting.

During ritual last night, I called upon the gods and asked if they had a problem with combining Druidry and Greek polytheism and got an incredible warm glow for an answer.  Seriously.  Zach felt something in his room; that's how wild the energy was. 

Well, Artemis was absent from the consensus, but Pan said he would take her place in my deer statuette.

And speaking of Zach...he's been going through a de-tox stage himself, trying to find his way and discovered that he misses the spirituality he had before.  So he's back to studying and finding rituals that fulfill him.  And dragons play a huge role in that as he has been in love with them since he was a toddler and feels that there is some kind of spiritual connection there.  I told him to go for it.

It's good to know that the gods are content to stay.  I would have missed them terribly if they left.  Plus I do get tired of bouncing around all over the ethereal plain trying to find the gods who are interested in me enough to stay and put their feet up.  I feel very much welcome with the Greeks.

I talked to my mother the other day on the phone and she spent over 20 minutes talking to me about her church.  I know her well enough to know that this was her way of "evangelizing" because she's done it to my two older kids many a time.  I don't know that someone has outed me to her, but she does know that we no longer attend church.  A matter that I briefly mentioned and then never brought up again.  So it could be just her way of trying to get me to go back to church.  Although she wasn't happy with us in the Episcopal Church at all because they don't do it right, if you know what I mean.  I tried very hard to sound interested in how their church is growing now that they got rid of their pastor (a frequent occasion at that church) or how my brother-in-law showed up for a friend's baptism and how she was so excited that maybe he'll start coming all the time now (I doubt it) and how much everyone loves my sister who is in charge of the music programs there. 

But she's my mother and I love and respect her although I stay as far away from her as I can because in close proximity she takes it upon herself to criticize everything about me from my weight to the way I wear my hair and how I deal with Zach and what Tom should or should not be doing.  Seriously...shoot me if I ever behave that way with my kids.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, after all.  Or is that absence.  Nah...distance works better for me.

I don't have much of a relationship with my family much anymore.  I rarely hear from my sisters and the obligatory phone calls are the only contact I have with my parents.  And that suits me just fine.  I don't know if there is something wrong with me or not, but if being myself is wrong, then I don't want to be right.  :)

Off to bed, knitting, reading and ritual.

BB

Whispers, hawks and a flounce

Today was a lovely day with sunshine and temps near 50F.  I refilled the bird feeders and split the pomegranate and left it on my outdoor altar.  With thanks to Persephone.

I tried to do a full moon ritual last night but I was pretty distracted and just couldn't really enjoy it. So I just lit the candles, took my spirit beads to bed with me and just watched the pretty fire.  (I also watched Howl's Moving Castle and the witch keeps talking about the pretty fire in it so that's where my mind is right now.)  I was unable to do any studying or anything because I lacked the ability to concentrate...part and parcel of the fibromyalgia, unfortunately.  It's not all the time, but when I'm hurting or terribly fatigued, I just can't retain anything I read.  Or watch.

I saw a hawk today while I was outside.  Normally I have to go out of town to see them in the sky but we do live on the edge of town so it wasn't terribly unusual.  Still, it felt like a sign that I am on the right path.  I feel very good about returning to Druidry while keeping the Greek gods although if that changes, I'm okay with that, too.  When invoking the hearth this morning, I thought I heard Brighid in the background.  I hadn't called Hestia by name, but rather invoked the Goddess of Hearth and Home.  I wonder if it's like dialing a number and whoever answers is the one you're speaking to.

Anyway, if the Celtic gods want to come for a visit, they're more than welcome.  And if the Greeks decide to take a vacation, who's going to stop them, eh?

I wonder if maybe I should have taken a de-tox from all religion after leaving Christianity to give myself a cleansed palate, so to speak, before tasting what the other gods had to offer.  Too late now to change that, but I'm not going to deal in absolutes anymore.  Whatever happens, happens.  But I'm keeping the blog title no matter what.  LOL!

Pan has been whispering in my ear the past day or so.  I think I'll change out my raven/pentacle for the Green Man pendant for a few days.  He's the reason I really reconsidered and decided to give Druidry another chance.  He's let me know that I'm no city girl and that Nature has my number and intends to call.  Frequently.  But for reasons that I can't fathom, Artemis has given me the cold shoulder and did a flounce after the full moon ritual last night.  It was very unsettling but keeping her against her will isn't something I'd ever do so if she comes back, she does.  If not, I wish her well but my journey continues with or without her.  Maybe it was something I said or the ritual wasn't done well or maybe she's not crazy about me combining Druidry and Greek polytheism.  Whatever the reason, I didn't lose any sleep over it.  I'll be honest...I've never felt a strong connection with her anyway.  I did try, thinking that she would be my connection to nature, but she was always a bit aloof.  And I suppose she didn't like being invoked for a full moon ritual anyway.  Next time, I'll call Selene.

My time of groveling before the gods is over.  Doesn't mean I don't owe them respect and honor, but never again will I be a doormat for any deity.  I don't set myself on the same level as the gods, but neither do I expect them to walk all over me.

Just sayin;'.

Pictures!

As promised, some pictures of my altar.  Just the main altar, not the hearth or Hermes's altar.  I'm learning the camera so I'll try to get more pictures later.

I knitted the afghan I'm using for a cover.  It's a Greek afghan pattern I found on Ravelry but I didn't have enough yarn to make a full size afghan so it fits perfectly on my yarn bin, which is under all that.  The red thing on the left is the pomegranate I'm offering to Persephone.  I have a close up of the altar coming up.

I have purified water in the back in a vase and my oil burner on the left, incense burner in the middle and my bell on the right.  I am using the black candle for the cthonic gods, namely Hades, Persephone, Hecate.  When that candle is gone, I'll probably just use another color as finding black candles is hard.  I don't use a particular color for any of the other gods aside from Hestia.  I use red for hers to symbolize the hearth-fire.

These figurines represent the gods:  the eagle for Zeus...it's an old Avon container but the lid is missing so I'm using the jar part as a frankincense holder.  The two owls represent Athena; the shell, Poseidon; the swan, Apollo; the deer, Artemis, and the snake, Asklepius.  Hanging on the shelf is a set of spirit beads for meditating.  I like to hold them when I pray or do any kind of ritual.  They're made of jasper and hold some lovely energy.  Behind the shelf is my print of van Gogh's Starry Night.  I just feel a lot of energy coming from that beautiful work of art and it makes me think of the gods in the ethereal plain.

I had some other pictures above the altar, on the wall, but they didn't come out very well.  It will take me a bit to learn how to do this camera thing better.

I don't really fit in with the other Hellenic polytheists, which doesn't bother me because it seems to me that choosing to fit in with them would be limiting myself.  I will not willingly put myself in prison to any religious system again, especially one that insists on one way to do things, or one who believes they and they alone hold all truth.  And to be honest, there are some on this particular path who behave just like the fundies I left behind.  Plus, they seem to be on a very conservative political spectrum, one that I also left behind and will never return to.  Not all, of course, but many.  Enough that makes me wary of embracing that kind of spiritual path.

I have no doubts about which gods I should be following.  I am quite content with the gods of my youth and am happily forging a connection with them.  But I've discovered that I have limited myself too much by trying to label myself as a Hellenic polytheist and it's starting to feel too snug a fit.  I do love the traditional aspects of the Greek gods but I'm not living in ancient Greece right now.  Nor am I Greek.  I'm not interested in the ancient philosophers or how the ancient Greeks thought about the gods.  I'm interested in now.

I also don't believe anyone can know exactly what the gods thought about this or that based on the philosophers or the mythologies.  Ancient writings are just like modern writings.  They are all based on opinion.  No one can know without a doubt that the Greek gods hated magick or that they were offended by miasma or that one had to perform a ritual in a particular way.  It's all guess-work.

That's not to say that those writing don't have some merit.  I happen to like reading other people's opinions about all kinds of things, and I'm glad to learn from them.  But never again will I believe that any writings are without error or must be read literally.  I've had enough of that, thankyouverymuch.

So I've pulled out my Druidry books and plan to incorporate that into my practices as well.  I will yield to the pull toward magick also.  It's a strong pull and I can't imagine not going in a direction I feel the gods are leading me toward.  I really don't see any conflict with Druidry and the Greek gods anyway.  My original problem with Druidry was that I couldn't connect with the Celtic gods.  Other than that I really did like it.

So I figure it's my path, not anyone else's, and since they're not going to walk it for me, they shouldn't be able to tell me how to walk it either.

All in all, things have never been better for me spiritually.

Attending the altar

For a long time, I've been thinking of a vigil candle or light of some kind on my altar.  I have, from time to time, attempted it for special occasions.  I really do like the idea of having one going all the time.  The dynamics of doing that, though, aren't as easy as it seems.  For one, I don't want a 7 day candle because I'm nervous about leaving a candle lit when I'm not home or when I'm asleep, no matter how "safe" it might be.  Any other kind of real candle would be out of the question.  I have a battery-run candle that I've used in the past and my oil burner runs on a tea candle that can last as long as 3 hours.  So if I time it right, I can use the oil burner during the day, blow it out when I leave (which means I have to remember to do that) and then switch to the battery-operated candle then.  Or I could just use the battery-run candle all the time unless I have my votive candles lit for ritual or prayer.  It's something that would be more of a disciplinary action initially.  Teaching myself to ensure my altar is attended at all times.  I really do like the idea as long as my memory cooperates.

I bought some pomegranate oil for my oil burner today, in honor of Persephone.  And I picked up a real pomegranate as well, to place as an offering on the altar before I share it out with the birds and rodents.  I will have a taste as well, having never tried it before.  I found a tiny snake figurine that is on my altar now, in honor of  Asclepius.  The Greek version isn't the caduceus, but a snake wrapped around a staff.  Still, this is as close as I can come right now.  I'm thankful for his help with Hannibal's infected chin and Tom's back pain.

I'm hoping to get some pictures taken later this week of my various altars.  I've wanted to do that for a while but haven't gotten around to learning how to use the camera yet.  I plan on getting Zach to tutor me on it this week.  It may take a while to get some good pictures though.

I haven't done as much studying as I would like.  Depression does that to you...leaves you in a limbo kind of world.  Wanting isn't always enough when it comes to motivation or impetus.  Still, I don't despair.  This, too, shall pass.  I can take baby steps again until I'm back to reading regularly and that is all I can hope for.  And all that I need hope for.

Off to nightly prayer and ritual and then bed.  I might just read tonight instead of knit.  It's been that kind of a day.

Only the title has changed

Changing the title and defining my path won't make any changes to this blog.  I don't intend to blog in a teaching way or intend to explain a lot about hellenic polytheism.  I'll be doing the same things I always have done.  Just talking about my day to day dealings with my spirituality and how I interact with the world.  Sometimes I'll rant; sometimes I'll offer opinions.  But mostly it's just me talking about my daily spiritual path.  I'll just be more open about what walking on that path entails.

How boring, huh?

I'm riding out another depression cycle, normal for me this time of year.  I can't take meds but my dr does recommend diet, exercise and meditation.  She said that meditation has been known to change the brain patterns in people with clinical depression.  I also read that incense, or aromatherapy, helps change the brain patterns as well.  In particular, I've read that frankincense helps.  Unfortunately I don't care much for the scent although I use it in ritual because the gods seem to like it.  But get the sticks.  The cones won't stay lit.  I have to grind them up and then they burn too fast.

I ran into a friend from my old fundie church at StuffMart again and discovered that their pastor had flat-out lied to me about the reason they didn't do their Christmas program this year.  He told me it was because of some deaths they had and felt that it was a God-thing.  D said it was because people didn't honor their commitments and just bailed out.  They didn't have enough people to put the event on.  Of course I didn't tell her what the pastor had told me.  I don't play those games.  It was good to see her and she didn't interrogate me as to my religious activities this time so it was pleasant.  We talked a lot about our pets.

I've been writing down prayers I find online into my journal to use for daily rituals and such.  Some of them are lovely; some not so much.  I have copied a few Orphic hymns that I liked.  Decided against some I didn't care for.  I've been thinking that I should get back to writing again.  Not blog writing, but journaling and even trying my hand at poetry and fiction again.  I might start out with short stories first.  I think my problems in the past were I attempted mountains before I could walk up hills.

I also have been looking longingly at my drawing pencils.  I should get back to that, too.  I'm not the most ambitious person in the world and follow-through is my worst fault, I think.  Maybe more structure in my life would help.

The other night, while praying, I found a connection with a goddess I hadn't considered before but makes perfect sense for me.  While praying to all the gods I invoked Persephone and immediately felt a warm rush of energy overwhelm me.  I stopped for a moment to consider what it meant.  I'm not sure.  Not really.  But I will attempt to connect with her again and see what happens.  It was a good feeling, for sure.  One that brough positive energy and thoughts to me.

I have a lot of studying to do to bring myself up to speed on the gods but as I love doing that studying, it's something I really look forward to. Although I don't intend to study to the degree that I've dissected hellenic polytheism into a bloody pulp.  I like it whole.  Chunky, not smooth.

Time to light the candles and have a little time with the gods.  My rituals tend to be simple and wordless, although I do use prayer a lot.  I love the time I spend with them.

Name change...again

I've felt for a while that my blog name didn't represent me anymore but part of me didn't want to be this open about my Hellenic polytheistic path.  I think my reluctance had more to do with fear of what people might think rather than feeling like my path has been settled.  At least for now.

So I boldy announce that I am a Hellenic polytheist with a leaning toward the traditional, but not reconstructionist, practices.  This fits me like a glove and I no longer feel like an outsider or a pretender.

The name, of course, relates to a post I wrote about when the Greek gods came to visit, bearing luggage.  They came to stay. :)