I'm much more content this time around with the Greeks. They're not as bossy and I'm not as meek so we're finding a good match. I'm also paying more attention to them rather than listening to the people who like to do things by the book. Feeling a lot freer this time around. Which is why they probably brought the moving van this time instead of luggage.
Zach and I went to the thrift store today looking for statuettes for my altar and found a beautiful owl that I couldn't resist in spite of already having one. But this one is by itself and is large and detailed. You'll see it in the pictures below. I also found a candle snuffer for a dollar. I like those because occasionally I splash wax when I blow the candles out. Feels more ritual-like, too.
I fiddled around with the altar until I got it where I'm happy with it. I had a mirror behind the upper tier but the more I looked at it, the more I realized it had nothing to do with where I am now and everything to do with just reflecting the light from the candles. Not that that's a bad reason to have it there but it just didn't resonate with me anymore. If I can find a picture I like, I'll put it in place of the mirror but for now, nothing looks better than the mirror did.
I've been doing some thinking the past few days, just sitting in my bed watching my candles burn, looking at my animal-representations of the gods and pondering my past problems. I'm not saying I have finally found what I'm searching for and this is the path I will take for the rest of my life. That would be ridiculous since I don't know what is in the future. But I do want this to be a beautiful experience and not one where I'm torn and struggle with staying on this path. That's the problem I've had most of my life, feeling torn between choices and wanting the path I'm not on more than I want the path I'm on. I'm determined to break that cycle, which goes back to my youth when I used to secretly wish I could worship the Greek gods instead of the Christian ones.
When I left Christianity, I really only knew of Paganism as defined by either Wiccan or Druidry, with the Celtic gods as primary deities. The occasional Greek or Norse god got thrown in the mix as well. Then I discovered that the Greek gods were still worshiped and that made me happy because they were truly my first chosen gods even if I couldn't choose them. But I felt isolated because my internet world of Paganism was nearly all Celtic with a smattering of Norse. And I admit that I just wanted to be part of the greater whole and be able to talk the same lingo and observe the same festivals, even if I didn't really feel part of the group. Then the Norse offered me a place at the table, but excited as I was initially, I started feeling that pull between two lovers again. With the Norse I was still able to feel a part of the Wheel of the Year crowd and speak the same lingo even if some of the words were different.
Then I realized that aside from Samhain and Yule, I didn't really care much for the Sabbats. I do, however, enjoy the Greek festivals and the simplicity of the rituals. Not because I think the Wheel of the Year is a bad way to do things, but just because I didn't connect with them.
Once I discovered that, I no longer felt torn and felt free to follow the path of my heart without feeling obligated to follow it in the way others do. I think I've grown enough that I don't need the "gang" to be a part of. I"m very content as a solitary for my own practice but confident enough that I could attend a ritual of another path without feeling uncomfortable or indecisive. And do things their way without feeling a need to insert my own into it.
Also, I discovered that Zach has found a path that is close enough to mine that we can share much of what we celebrate together.
And so...on to pictures of my altar.
Zach and I went to the thrift store today looking for statuettes for my altar and found a beautiful owl that I couldn't resist in spite of already having one. But this one is by itself and is large and detailed. You'll see it in the pictures below. I also found a candle snuffer for a dollar. I like those because occasionally I splash wax when I blow the candles out. Feels more ritual-like, too.
I fiddled around with the altar until I got it where I'm happy with it. I had a mirror behind the upper tier but the more I looked at it, the more I realized it had nothing to do with where I am now and everything to do with just reflecting the light from the candles. Not that that's a bad reason to have it there but it just didn't resonate with me anymore. If I can find a picture I like, I'll put it in place of the mirror but for now, nothing looks better than the mirror did.
I've been doing some thinking the past few days, just sitting in my bed watching my candles burn, looking at my animal-representations of the gods and pondering my past problems. I'm not saying I have finally found what I'm searching for and this is the path I will take for the rest of my life. That would be ridiculous since I don't know what is in the future. But I do want this to be a beautiful experience and not one where I'm torn and struggle with staying on this path. That's the problem I've had most of my life, feeling torn between choices and wanting the path I'm not on more than I want the path I'm on. I'm determined to break that cycle, which goes back to my youth when I used to secretly wish I could worship the Greek gods instead of the Christian ones.
When I left Christianity, I really only knew of Paganism as defined by either Wiccan or Druidry, with the Celtic gods as primary deities. The occasional Greek or Norse god got thrown in the mix as well. Then I discovered that the Greek gods were still worshiped and that made me happy because they were truly my first chosen gods even if I couldn't choose them. But I felt isolated because my internet world of Paganism was nearly all Celtic with a smattering of Norse. And I admit that I just wanted to be part of the greater whole and be able to talk the same lingo and observe the same festivals, even if I didn't really feel part of the group. Then the Norse offered me a place at the table, but excited as I was initially, I started feeling that pull between two lovers again. With the Norse I was still able to feel a part of the Wheel of the Year crowd and speak the same lingo even if some of the words were different.
Then I realized that aside from Samhain and Yule, I didn't really care much for the Sabbats. I do, however, enjoy the Greek festivals and the simplicity of the rituals. Not because I think the Wheel of the Year is a bad way to do things, but just because I didn't connect with them.
Once I discovered that, I no longer felt torn and felt free to follow the path of my heart without feeling obligated to follow it in the way others do. I think I've grown enough that I don't need the "gang" to be a part of. I"m very content as a solitary for my own practice but confident enough that I could attend a ritual of another path without feeling uncomfortable or indecisive. And do things their way without feeling a need to insert my own into it.
Also, I discovered that Zach has found a path that is close enough to mine that we can share much of what we celebrate together.
And so...on to pictures of my altar.
Love your altar. It's beautiful. I love all the animal representations. I'm feeling really drawn to elephants these days and I need to read what they represent. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tana. I'll be honest that I would prefer the human statues but this is all I can afford right now. Maybe later down the road I can pick them up one by one. I missed my chance to get a collection of them at a reasonable rate. But that's the way it goes.
DeleteLet me know what you find out about elephants. I do remember that in dreams it means you've lost someone close to you. At least that's what I read a million years ago when I studied dream interpretation when I was in the Navy.